grown up type thoughts

so, patrick and i had a really good talk last night. he was asking me what i thought of his grad school plans, where i might be likely to find a job, and all manner of questions that i don't really yet have an answer to. he asked me where i want to live and where i'd want to work. of course, at this point i don't know. he mentioned that he could probably do a doctorate at MSU and get paid for it. he knows that i abhor east lansing. i also recognize that it'd be amazing for us if i were the only one in debt from grad school. i really do hate east lansing. and after having lived in madison, i really don't want to go back to MI at all. what would there be for me there? it's hard enough for people with business and computer degrees to get jobs in MI right now...i can't imagine that i would find one. at the same time though, i want to be with patrick. i love him, and would actually make that sacrifice. it could be good...we could pay off my school debt while he's going to grad school, we could take some great trips (like australia), and live together, maybe get a dog...
but.....
east lansing. MI. a most likely irrelevant job.
i guess the bottom line is that i'd go willingly to be with him. but i'm pretty deathly afraid of getting stuck there, becoming my dad. (granted, i don't have depressive tendancies the same way my dad does...he's never really been happy anywhere.) first it's living in east lansing till he's done with his stuff...then he gets a job at MSU that's too good to pass up, and we're stuck there. the thing to remember here is that patrick is not my mom. he won't make me stay somewhere i hate (hell, maybe i'll like EL!), and he's not that enthused about staying in MI either.
he's going to apply to many places, some on the coasts. part of what makes this so complicated is my own carreer uncertainty. at this point, for me, anything could happen.
despite all of this sounding a little scared, depressing, and negative, i'm really thinking more about the positive part: patrick and i are good together, and i want to stay with him. i know that if i make sacrifices for him now (well, in 1.5 years), he will do the same for me when he can. it's really good to feel so secure and happy with someone. (and let me tell you, i must be awfully happy with him if i'd even consider moving to EL...) :)

pics of the day

a few pics from madison freakfest - the lovely gypsy is basma, my french tutor.

poison sumac, tailgating, and halloween! oh my!

I haven't posted in awhile. So, let's see. the weekend after the wedding was the "fall colors" camping/canoe trip with the outing club. despite a fair bit of rain, it was quite fun. i do, however, have one bit of advice for the ladies. when peeing in the woods, if you get a little on the back of your leg, do not, i repeat, DO NOT, grab a leaf to wipe it off. even if you can correctly identify poison ivy, and are positive that said leave is not that, the leaf could be some other crazy poisonous bitch of a plant. the wednesday after the trip i developed a big rash on the back of my leg and hip. it is now much improved, but still not totally gone. stupid plant!

in other news, halloween is kind of a big deal in madison. so is football. so is homecoming. yesterday was all 3. well, not halloween, but "freakfest" the multi-block party where everyone gets dressed up and gets wasted. i had bravest intentions of partying like a rock star. i met mary in the morning to walk to the stadium area. i had a 6-pack of corona in my bag, and was wearing my bottle-opening flip-flops. mary was with chad, so the three of us made our way to the "tailgating area", that being a whole bunch of yard parties and bars. when we were almost to the stadium bar where we were going to meet joseph and kelly, we were invited to play beer pong in someone's yard. chad and i kicked mary and some guy's ass. during the game of beer pong, mary and i each drank 2 beers on the side. crossing the street almost at the stadium bar, mary apparantly threw up in the street (not because she was wasted, as she can hold her liquor, but because she had a lot of foam in her stomach and then burped). i missed it because i was on the phone. at the bar, it was fun to catch up with joseph. had a few more beers, and became pretty drunk. joseph and i decided to drunk-dial patrick from his phone. when it took awhile for joesph to start talking, i assumed he had hit patrick's voicemail. so, we left him a funny drunk "voicemail" only to later discover that he had actually answered the phone, and heard the whole thing as it happened. after the game, 8 of us took a cab to angelic brewing for some idaho nachos (waffle fries w/ cheese, guac, and salsa). naps were had by most during the afternoon after that to prepare for freakfest.

my costume was a bit of a catchall. fishnets with spider web patterns, a tiara, vampire teeth, fake eyelashes, and a silver cape. i wasn't that in the mood to go out by the time we got to joseph's, but off to state street we went. the frenchies and some other people from our program were at the state bar, so we went there. there was dancing, which i did for about 10 minutes, and then i got overwhlemed by the people and way too loud music. i left early (after not even having a drink), and wound up walking all the way home because all the cab services were busy. the spectacle was fun though, and i saw some great costumes. today is schoolwork day. and it's beautiful and sunny. :) pics from freakfest later. :)

a "magical" weekend

so, this weekend, patrick's brother got married. in florida. at disneyworld. i flew out on thursday evening. on friday there was a welcome dinner, and saturday was the wedding. it alternated between being hot and humid and raining. sometimes all 3 of those at once. in some ways it was sort of a stressful weekend. even though it wasn't my stress, there was stress in the air, and there were lots of people i didn't know. there were also a fair amount of people i did know, which helped. between changing rooms and doing various organization related things, not much time was spent reading or at the pool. to be honest, i felt fairly uncomfortable on quite some number of occasions. i think disneyworld is just overwhelming. being in such an artificial environment does NOT put me at ease.

the wedding itself was quite nice (and had good weather), and the reception was really fun. during the whole weekend it was really nice to spend time with patrick and his parents. his grandma is adorable (and always notices when i wear pretty shoes), and his aunt carol is a real sweetheart too. some family friends, dave and kathy were there, and it was good to see them again, and i finally got to meet a lot of people i've heard a lot about (which was only stressful for about 5 minutes).

even though the wedding was great, it definately solidified my feelings that i don't want a "fairy tale" elaborate, expensive wedding. i want it to be a backyard event with close family and friends and no gift registry.

on a more serious/positive side though, I really can see (and even hope to) spending my life with patrick. the love we share is so much deeper and more serious than anything i've experienced. i can see him as a husband and father, and i can actually see running a household together. it's not that the wedding made me realize this (as i've thought it for awhile), but there is one thing different after this wedding...usually after weddings i have some sort of urge to run screaming in the other direction. this one made me thing, "this'll be me someday...and i look forward to that!" (just not at disney world) i think patrick summed it up while we were falling asleep by saying "I wish you lived with me.". i do too. saying goodbye at the airport was tough, even though i'll see him in 2 weeks. airport goodbyes somehow feel more terminal, even when they're not at all.

i hate football...except that i don't!

So, Patrick and I went to the UW MSU game last weekend. Let's start by saying that I hate football. It's stupid and slow. A bunch of guys run a little if you're lucky, fall in a pile, a whistle blows, and it starts over. I wanted to go to one game here though, since I've never been to a BigTen game. I had SO much fun!!!

Even though it was just Patrick and me, after going to the farmer's market for the morning, we bought a 6-pack of Labatt's and decided to look for a good tailgating spot. After not finding much, we sat on some rocks outside the stadium and proceeded to drink our beer and eat some apples. The drum line as well as the tubas marched through the bar across the street, and the beer started to take effect.

the game itself it was like a new culture (although, arguably not a very cultured one...)...every time wisc was 1st and 10, everybody in the student section goes "1st and ten wisconsin!" and moves their arms in a little chop motion. also, if the students get bored, a section of them will point at another section and chorus "eat shit!, to which responds the other section "fuck you!" and they go back and forth pointing at each other as they do it. they also call all fans of the other team sitting in their section "asshole" periodically just to keep them in their place. whenever "P.J. Hill" does something good and gets announced, everybody puts their hands above their heads in a sort of hill (more of a circle really) shape. whenever the other team screws up, everybody shouts, "you fucked up!" repeatedly while pointing, yet if the other team does something brilliant, we all shout, "you still suck!" also, when the cheerleaders hold up signs that say "we" "want" "more", everybody says "beer!" after the 3 signs get held up. Also, before every kickoff and punt everybody holds up their keys and jingles them. it was like learning a new language!!! (which is what made it fun i think, along with the 3 beers i slammed right before it started...) anyway, i proudly wore my red, and had a lovely time.

in FL (which is a post of its own) I even watched the 3rd quarter of the game this past weekend at ESPN zone and sort of cared!